Stirling, Scotland april 2010

Niels J.L. Iversen

A pìobaireachd shop in Stirling

The distinguished members o' the Traivelers' Guild (DBK) maistly write thair contreebutions in Dens, an ah cannae blame thaim. Efter a lang traivel ye may nae want tae see nor hear a single wird o' Inglis or Spainish or Chineese again for a lang lang time, an shuirly nae write in those ferrin tongues. Had it been itherweys tan ye should have stayed afield as a true traiveler and nae return to ye bonnie flatland o' Denmerk to pollute oor kintra ere ye had satisfeen aw yer unfulfilled linguistic aspireetions. Ma problem wi Scots is that ah dinnae use it over thair through my short Easter travel, an ma unfulfilled linguistic aspireetions hae steyd unfulfilled. So here gaes...

King Penguin, Edinburrae Zoo

Tis aften said that the Scots dinna speak Scots (nor Gaelic). That isnae true: the maist part speak Scots, but wi maistly Southern wirds. Ense neither tourists nor Englishmen winnae could understaund nocht o' whit wis said tae them. Misfortuinately the Scots also write in Inglis (aka Sassenach), -'tis juist as the Swiss Germans wha speak Schwiizertüütsch tae ilk ither, but Heigh German "auf Schwiizertüütsch" tae aw tourists and Germans - and wha write in staundart German so that ye cannae learn their leid too easily. In Scotland ye shall hear Scots aw o'er tha place, but ye cannae buy a beuk or magazine in Scots. Whit is a late result o' the fecht o' Culloden in 16 April 1746, whare the Scots army wis champed by the brutal duke o' Cumberland, who forbade awthing Scots ('cep whisky - 'cause he was a dirty auld drunk sod). The tartan wis revived by Walter Scott and George IV (mebbe a wee bit too effectively?), but appearently the Scots dinna ween that a beuk in Scots can be sold. And aw Scots editors too much like the soond o' money tae experiment.

Ah flew fra Billund tae Edinburrae an Guid Fuirsday (2/4-10) and arrived in guid wither. The wither report tould that it should rain aw day lang Seturday, so I jumped into a taxi and went straucht tae the Edinburrae Zoo, wilk had got a nou big hoose fae fower faimilies o' chimpanzees and a section fae aw ither pugs (monkeys). An thay aye inveet thair pinguins tae a wee walk throu the yaird aicht-day at 2 o'clock PM. Frae Edinburrae Heimairt Station ah went by train tae the pretty auld toun Stirling, whaur ah had reserved a room fae three nichts in the Barcelo Hielands hotel whilk hae fouer starns tae blowst. 'Tisnae cheap, but ah liked the settin - but 500 yards frae the Castle. The neist day (Seturday) ah went in blashie wither tae the Castle wi ma umbrella - an than the rain stopped! Ah'm sure aw Scots meteologist at whiles wind up at the neist madhoose tae get them caumed doun 'cause the Scots wither is designed tae make them gyte - an the tourists too. But this day the wither wis grand tae 1 PM, an thus ah saw the mighty Castle in aw its glory.

Stirling Castle

Frae the Castle ye can see doun tae the Bridge o'Stirling, whair William Wallace ('Braveheart') routed an Inglis army. Well, then Edward I Longshank went tae Scotland da-dum da-dum and routed William's army, and efter fouer years or sae Braveheart was betraed to the Sassenachs by a man called Short (NOT Robert the Bruce!). He was taken ta London an divided into fouer parts wi his entrails quatelike simmerin on a wee fire beside him - juist tae prove hou muckle dissied Edward wis wi him. But Robert the Bruce then vinkished the Inglis army under Edward II at Bannockburn (juist 2 miles besooth o' Stirling). If Wallace had won against Edward than Scotland might could have spaken Gaelic the day - he didnae like Inglis speakers an killed them aff whanever he could! So the Bruce won instead, an if Scotland had nae united wi England and Jacob VI moved tae London as Jacob I than Scotland might could have stayed independent, an than the Scots Laelands could have spaken Scots the day (and the Hielands mebbe Gaelic). But Scots independence died acause o' the inner tuilyie wi Knox and Mary queen o' Scots and awboday at ilk ither's thrapples, and than the English took over the Scots king wi aw his land. Aye, Scots historie is one lang meeserie...

Loch Lomond and two maws as seen frae the Aquarium

Aboot the castle... my memory had mistryst me. Ah actually thocht that the secretar o' Mary-Queen-of-Scots, Rizzio, had been murdered here at Stirling Castle by fiftysax stobs (ah once saw the spreckle of bluid on a fluir some wey). But nae, the guide - a quick auld man in tartan breeks - tauld me that the deed was done in Holyrood in Edinburrae (so the spreckle of bluid on the fluir isnae in Stirling, but in Edinburrae ). An tho 'twas the yerl of Goodwen wha did it it was Mary's noguid gudemand Darnley whae was wytid for it. And than Darnley wis killt frae Bothweel, and Bothweel had tae flee tae Denmark, an well... ye can see his stourie mummy in Fårevejle Kirk), and Mary fled tae England, hopin for a wee chat wi cuisin Elizabeth, but she had tae wait for 19 years, an then her heid wis chopped off.

Aw peeple thae visit Stirling should go visit the kirk o' the Holy Rute aneist the Castle. And noooo, there is nae a Saint Rute, - the rute (root) is the haly cross (even in names sae as Holyrood). In yon kirk ye will find fine architecture and breaw windaws in many colours. But is this the maist important thing aboot this kirk? Noooooo, ye sall go thare to see the wittins blad (information leaflits) in mebbe fifty languages or mae: Scots, Gaelic (from Scotland), Irish Gaelge, Cymraig from Wales, Danish, Icelandic, Swedish, French, Catalan, Spanish, Romanian, Latin, an aw kinds o' mae exotic leids as Maori, Cheenese, Arabian an even Inglis. 'Tis a paradise fur peeple thae like langages.

Balloch Aquarium: aboot Loch Lomond in Inglis an Gaelic

The spoken Scots version o' English is on fit and well haint, and ah have also heard some rather broad Scottish English, mebbe even the real McCoy ('tis a continuum). But ah ettled tae get some beuks printed in true Scots, and that couldnae be done - ah found one beuk o' poetry an one comic in hauf Gaelic, hauf Scots and the rest in Sassenach. Ah discussed wi the leddy o' the beukshop whither the Scots dinae have any pride left, an she proposed that ah filed a complaint - nae, a pleen! - tae the owerins, but who should listen tae a peengin ootlin? If the Scots daenae ask fur beuks in the vernacular, thare isnae gonna be no beuks in the vernacular.

In the efternuin a teuk a bus ta the Blairdrummond Safari Park. An ye can guess whit happened: a Whappin spleut came juist as I had arrived thare. Aw the rain that ah had been spared ere noon nou fell upon ma puir head in one fell swoop. Tho later the sky cleared agin, and I ah could see the place withoot fearin that the sealions wad swim aboot in the air o'er my head - an mebbe fell doun on me.

The neist day it wis fair wither - ye can ne'er kno in Scotland, as I said - and I etlled tae gae tae yon bonnie banks o' Loch Lomond. But 't

A mickle auld crocodile and a blae fish in the Kelvingrove Gallery and Museum

wis Sunday and the public transport is fairly leemited o' Sundays, so I took the train tae Glasgoe and than forrit tae Balloch (wilk is spaken with a final SHHHHH: Balloshhhhhh, whare aw Lochs are spoken wi a sound cummin frae deep down ya thrapple: LoCHHHHHHHHH Loomand - 'Loch Laomainn' in Gaelic). In Balloch ah saw the Loch Lomond Sealife Aquarium (wi bilingual signs in Inglis and Hielands), an than ah returned tae Glasgow fae to see the big Victorian mixtie-maxtie cawd "Kelvingrove Gallery an Museum". Ah truly fancy those auld museums that are fillt tae the roof wi aw sorts o' things, - in one place an auld airplan wis hangin in the air o'er a giraffe and a kudu... an than suddent the floor was tremblin as if it was an yirdquauk comin' but 'twas anerly the organ that wis dusted off an' given an opportunity tae scare peeple frae their wits. Ah stayed for some time and than daundered back tae Queen Street station, and back tae Stirling for ma last nicht thare.

't wis raining the next mawning, but ah didn't care much acause ah wis than returning tae Denmark.

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